Complicated

Our lives changed forever 10 years ago.  My feelings every year on the anniversary of the accident are complicated.  The way my emotions rise and fall as I read the social media posts.  Some posts are nostalgic, some are still heavily laced with sadness, and others are simply commemorative.  The way those posts stir up old feelings and bring tears to my eyes so easily.  It’s complicated because those tears surprise me since I so often feel like I’ve found peace about it.  I suppose there are some things we never heal all the way from.  Perhaps the depth of our pain is because of the depth of the love we all felt for the person we lost.  It is a lot longer between waves of sadness now.  My thoughts of him are more often fond memories and funny stories and simply wishing he was still present for moments in our lives. 

Loss leaves a hole in us, some days it feels like a tear and other days it feels like a frame to view our memories through.  A reminder that our lives are tied to the people we love in ways that extend beyond the time we have together.