Change

If you want to really test what you are made of try selling a house, buying a house, moving, and changing roles at work all within a month.  I had no intention adding a change at work on top of an already busy season in my life but an opportunity presented itself and I said yes.  In the midst of a tough first 5-6 weeks in the new role I think I forgot about the part where I said yes.  I felt overwhelmed and out of my depth and felt like this stress and anxiety just happened to me.  Admittedly it would have been career limiting to turn it down but I still (though extremely briefly) weighed the options and took a step through a new door.  When I get stressed I tend to look back at the door that just closed and romanticize the situation I just came from.  Suddenly everything about the old thing seems worn in and comfortable.  My memories of it assume a golden glow and the edges soften.  By comparison the new feels foreign and unwelcoming and each interaction is examined under a microscope.  During change time has a way of speeding up and slowing down simultaneously and the result is disorienting.  As with all things though once enough time passes (which varies completely by situation and person) things start to settle into a rhythm and then that rhythm starts to become more familiar.  As I continue to adjust I have found a few things that helped me greatly:

• Anchor Points – there are a few things in my life that keep me grounded.  For me it is my faith, my husband, my parents, and our adorable dog.  I can have the best day or the worst day and those things help me stay glued together when it feels like I’m coming apart at the seams.
  
• Humble/Hopeful – I found a company I love that their mantra is when things are going well stay humble and when things are tough stay hopeful.  It has really been resonating with me.  You will have good days and you will have bad days and there is a place and a purpose for both in your life.  Bad days help you discover who you are and what you are made of.  Good days help reinforce the choices and people in your life.
  
• Silver Linings – there is always something to be thankful for in any situation.  I am been traveling a lot for work and it’s been hard, harder than I thought.  But I took one day last week as a chance to go see a beautiful waterfall in Seattle and another day I met someone in person who I had worked with for 5 years.  It did not take away my homesickness for my husband, dog, home, and my gym but the trip had values in other ways that I’m trying to appreciate in their own way.
  
• Let it Go – I never really had control and I’m never going to have control.  My intense focus on trying to feel in control is exhausting and fruitless.  I can control a small subset of things and I owe myself and my family to make the best choices I can in those areas but the amount of things I do not control is a much longer list.  I’m trying to buckle up and enjoy the ride more. 

Small Group (finally!)

I am so excited to say we are finally joining/starting an adult small group.  After 8 years of serving in the student ministry, leading small groups, and mentoring we are finally committing time to our own spiritual growth and community.  I could give a million excuses about how we didn’t have time before now and how busy we stay but truthfully we never felt like we had the right timing and group.  I am very hopeful and optimistic that this group will help fill a couple holes in our lives that have existed for a while.  We don’t have a lot of other Christian friends so sometimes the advice we get and the interactions we have doesn’t hold us accountable to our faith.  As we’ve grown older we can see how busy everyone is and we’ve seen that there are many times when family and your church family are the only people who consistently come through when you need them.  We haven’t invested enough in building adult relationships within our church family and we are so excited to make that more of a priority.  We met once already to talk about what we were all seeking out of the group and realistically what frequency we could meet.  The other couples have young kids (several of them each) so it makes scheduling and location challenging.  Christina, Andy, Joel, and Angel are all people I respect tremendously and I’m looking forward to everyone being able to be open and supportive about the real challenges we all face and help build one another up in our faith.  Our first official meeting is next Monday the 10^th!  

Comparison

“Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt

I have witnessed this first hand in my life and the lives of my friends.  There will always be someone prettier, more talented, wealthier, in better shape, and with more potential.  The problem with comparison is we simplify ourselves into one attribute at a time and compare that single attribute to other people.  Through a difficult summer for myself and some of my friends I’m coming more to terms with the idea that we are all a unique and vast combination of attributes.  I have gifts and I have flaws, and so do the people I love.  All these things have taken shape and grown overtime into the fabric of who I am. 

I fear I will struggle with comparison for the rest of my life but I do keep trying to strive to appreciate the gifts and talents in others and to get better about seeing those things in myself as well.  I want to appreciate the little things more and feel content in the present moment more often.